All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
