Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
