My nipple is on Facebook.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
