Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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