I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
