rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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