I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i've created a new STD.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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