does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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