hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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