we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
