there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
