so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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