Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
