I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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