If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
