I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
