Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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