Umm I'm too high to move.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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