please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
