I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
