i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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