My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
