Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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