Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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