I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
