So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
