Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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