Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
