My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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