Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
