I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
