guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
