My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i dont even know how to be here
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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