Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
