there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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