Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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