told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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