who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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