paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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