need another drink. this is the easiest way
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
