ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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