note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
