Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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