I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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