I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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