awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
