You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
