Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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