Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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