My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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