I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
