so that wasnt chicken after all
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
