my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize