we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
