First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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