you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
