sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
