Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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