If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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