Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
