but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
