i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
