a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
True strength comes from lack of pants
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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