i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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