I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
