I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
