So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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