She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
