I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
