the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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