saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
