Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
