just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
