Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
