why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
