Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
