You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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