i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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