If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
