apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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