Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
