I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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