Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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